Updated: Jun 23, 2020
At one point or another we have all struggled with the deleterious effects of
un-forgiveness. We know exactly how we become unforgiving - someone offends us and we just can’t understand why in heavens name they would have done what they did. And after we have demonized them, we cut them off. Why? Because we just can’t understand why they did what they did and we don’t even want to understand ........ well, most of the time.
Un-Forgiveness is one of the most destructive tendencies in humanity. It has destroyed marriages, business opportunities, churches, friendships and in many cases, it is the direct cause of murder. Without a doubt, un-forgiveness destroys lives, but not just anybody’s life, it destroys the lives of those who are un-forgiving.
So, how do we know if we haven’t forgiven someone. Well, there are three powerful signs that indicate if we have an unforgiving heart. If even one of these signs is present in your heart, that is an indication that you are still harboring
un-Forgiveness. In this article I will only show you the signs, but in my next blog I will show you how to get over anything hurtful so you don’t battle with
un-forgiveness. If you can’t wait for that article and you want to get over it NOW, check out the book ‘21 Days To Forgiveness’. This book has literally helped hundreds of people get over emotionally painful experiences.
Let’s jump right into the three signs!
The First Sign - You actively keep a Record of the Wrongs done to you.
This is possibly the most powerful sign that someone is not a forgiving person. An unforgiving person doesn’t overlook anything. They know exactly what was done to them, when it was done to them, what time it was done to them and what they were wearing when it was done to them. They can tell you in extreme detail what offended them up to 40 years later.
Don’t get me wrong - remembering what was done to you is NOT the same as keeping a record of the wrongs done to you. Let me explain. When we keep a record of the wrongs done to us, we experience hurt all over again when we think about what was done to us. We become angry about the situation and it affects us emotionally. On the other hand, when we have forgiven someone and we remember the offense done to us, the sting of the pain associated with the memory is not present.
If you’re desirous of getting over the emotional hurt associated with a past experience, read ‘21 Days To Forgiveness’. It literally walks you through the steps to true emotional freedom.
The Second Sign - You Hurt those who hurt you
When we are hurting we tend to be hurtful. Hurtful behavior is a powerful sign that someone is still in an unforgiving state. Hurtful behavior comes in all sorts. It ranges from speaking ill of the person who has offended you to the extreme act of killing the person.
What we must always bear in mind is that hurtful behavior only deepens our pain and compounds it with fathomless regret. Vengeance always appears to be the best solution to get over a hurtful experience, but it never is. It might provide temporary relief, but the problem in the heart is still there.
The Third Sign - Anger
Anger is very much associated with an unforgiving heart. As a matter of fact, it can be categorically stated that an un-forgiving person is an angry person. It is virtually impossible to find a happy, unforgiving person. Un-forgiveness produces anger in the heart and anger is one emotion that can control us and help us to do some stupid stuff. Look at what the Bible says about an angry person:
“Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9)
Such true words. In our anger we have the tendency to behave foolishly. We can say foolish things, do foolish things and most of the time, our foolishness only leaves us with deep regret.
Forgiving the person who has offended you is the ONLY solution to an
un-forgiving heart. It is very easy to say ‘you must forgive’, but the truth is people need to learn how to forgive. Sometimes the emotional pain is just too much and it is hard to know where to start. Also, in some circumstances the emotional wound is so deep that forgiveness becomes a process. Whatever the case may be, the good news is that you can get over the hurt associated with the offense and you can move on to a better tomorrow.
If you are experiencing difficulty forgiving someone and you are desirous of getting help - I would suggest the Bible based devotional ‘21 Days To Forgiveness’. What is really special about this devotional is that it walks you through the forgiveness process. You are not just being told to forgive, but in a very clear and practical manner, you are shown the HOW of forgiveness.